How To Navigate Political Differences With Family, According To A Therapist

When it comes to choosing friends or a romantic partner, we have far greater autonomy over who we let into our lives. Ties can be severed if values don't align or something is deeply against what we stand for – but add family to the mix, and that's a whole new, complex territory.

For many of us, discussions around politics, money, and religion have long been treated as a sort of 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' entity. But with age, education, and experience comes a willingness to challenge the unwritten rules of what's considered "polite".

This shift in attitudes has opened us up to new perspectives and made us question things we may have been naive about in our formative years – take pay, for example, and the persistent gender pay gap that many companies are reluctant to acknowledge.

As we become more willing to challenge the status quo (with Gen-Z to thank for its progressive push), we may also find ourselves questioning the views of those closest to us. And sometimes, those revelations can be shocking enough to make us reconsider relationships with people we thought we knew best.

Over in the US, more than a third of Americans have lost a relationship with a family member, friend, partner, or co-worker because of political differences, according to research from UC Irvine. Meanwhile, across the pond, data from the British Household Panel Study found that couples with opposing political views faced a 38 per cent higher risk of separation.

For many of us, growing up came with the warning that you're "guilty by association". But it's not always that simple, particularly when it comes to navigating political differences across generations in 2026.

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So, when does a difference in opinion become a fundamental clash in values, and how do we decide whether a relationship is worth preserving? We spoke to Claudia Johnson, a Seattle-based licensed marriage and family therapist, to find out.

As Claudia explains, family relationships are often where we first learn about belonging, safety, loyalty, and what it means to be loved.

"When someone we love expresses a political belief that conflicts with something fundamental to our identity or lived experience, it can feel less like a difference of opinion and more like a rejection of who we are," she tells BuzzFeed.

Disagreeing about economic policy, for example, may feel very different from hearing a family member express beliefs that call your rights, relationship, or place in society into question.

"The pain often isn't simply that someone disagrees with us," Claudia shares. "It's that someone who knows and loves us may support ideas that make us feel unseen, unsafe, or devalued."

And because these disagreements happen within families, they can bring up older feelings, too, from the desire for parental approval to the familiar frustration of feeling unheard.

Can you maintain a relationship with someone whose political views you disagree with?

Having different political views from a family member doesn't mean you have to overlook how their beliefs affect you or try to change their mind.

Instead, Claudia encourages people to ask themselves: "What kind of relationship is actually possible between us, given our differences?"

Sometimes, that means finding areas of connection outside politics, whether that's shared family history, traditions, humour, or activities you both enjoy. It can also mean adjusting your expectations and recognising that someone you love deeply might not be the person you can safely discuss certain parts of your life with.

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However, there's a difference between disagreements that make us uncomfortable and dynamics that cause harm.

"We can often tolerate disagreement, but we shouldn't have to tolerate repeated humiliation, harassment, or attacks on our identity in order to preserve a family relationship," Claudia explains.

"You can love someone, recognise the limitations of your relationship with them, and still decide what level of access they have to your life."

How to have difficult conversations without turning them into arguments

When it comes to challenging a relative's political beliefs, Claudia suggests shifting the focus from trying to win an argument to understanding what the conversation is actually about.

"In Narrative Therapy, we're interested in the stories people have learned about themselves and the world," she explains. "Political beliefs often develop through family, community, culture, religion, personal experiences, and the information people consume."

Rather than immediately responding with a counterargument, Claudia suggests asking questions such as: "What experiences have shaped the way you see this?", "Can you help me understand what concerns you most about this issue?" or "Would you be open to hearing why I experience this differently?"

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These questions don't require you to validate harmful beliefs, but they can create an opportunity for conversation rather than immediate defensiveness.

It's also important to recognise when someone isn't genuinely interested in dialogue. If a relative is mocking you, interrupting, dismissing your experiences, or treating the conversation like a competition, you don't have to keep participating.

"Not every disagreement needs to become a debate, and not every debate deserves your participation," Claudia says.

Sometimes, the healthiest response is simply to acknowledge that you see things differently and that continuing the conversation isn't going to be productive.

Setting boundaries with family members

Boundaries can be particularly difficult to establish within families, where there may be an expectation that you should tolerate certain behaviour simply because you're related.

But Claudia explains that "boundaries are really about identifying what we are willing to participate in and what we will do when those limits aren't respected".

For example, rather than trying to control what a relative says, you might explain that you're not willing to participate in conversations where your identity or the people you care about are being disrespected, and that you'll step away if it happens.

Claudia also encourages people to remember that "you don't need someone else's agreement for your boundary to be valid".

A family member may disagree with your decision, feel disappointed, or accuse you of being overly sensitive. That doesn't automatically mean your boundary is unreasonable.

The important part, she explains, is following through. Boundaries aren't particularly effective when they're repeatedly stated but never honoured by the person setting them.

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When is it time to walk away?

Deciding whether to preserve a relationship, limit certain conversations, or distance yourself from a relative isn't always clear-cut. Claudia encourages people to pay attention not only to what their family members believe, but also to how those beliefs are expressed within the relationship.

Can you disagree and still treat each other with dignity? Is there room for curiosity, accountability, and mutual respect? Can the person acknowledge when something they've said has hurt you, even if they don't change their political position?

These are important indicators of whether a relationship can accommodate meaningful differences.

Agreeing to disagree can work when both people are genuinely able to respect each other's autonomy and humanity. Limiting certain conversations may be appropriate when discussions repeatedly become unproductive, emotionally exhausting, or damaging to the relationship.

But when interactions consistently involve discrimination, intimidation, humiliation, or disregard for someone's boundaries, it may be necessary to reconsider how much contact feels healthy or safe.

Claudia also acknowledges that distancing yourself from a family member can involve real grief.

"Sometimes the most painful part of setting a boundary isn't losing the relationship we have. It's grieving the relationship we hoped we could have."

Ultimately, Claudia doesn't believe every political disagreement requires estrangement, nor that preserving family relationships should be treated as an obligation regardless of the harm involved.

"The goal isn't necessarily agreement. It's determining whether a relationship can continue in a way that preserves dignity, respect, and emotional well-being for everyone involved."

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