Do You Know When You Are Spiritually Abusing?

What are we talking about when we say the words, spiritual abuse? Though it has many adaptations, at least some of which we will mention in this article, generally speaking, spiritual abuse is abuse of the spirit. But how would one abuse a person’s spirit? The easiest definition: the actions that deprive people of the ability to get in touch with their own spirit.

What, then, is spirit? Well, of course, there are many different definitions of the word spirit. But many people use the term synonymously with the word soul. I like Carl Jung’s use of the word soul, which he says shares the same life quality as spirit, and the soul is the same as the true self. The true self would be that wholeness that is commonly buried within the unconscious when it becomes conscious of itself as wholeness, which contains all of the opposing elements within us (Jung, 1970, pp. 180, 209, 232).

From that perspective then, the spirit is that deepest essence of who we are, where, at bottom we are not split off, we are not incongruent with the various aspects of our personalities. Rather we are united in wholeness. So, anything or anyone that deprives us of access to that deepest essence is abusing the spirit within us.

One of the adaptations of spiritual abuse is religious abuse—about which we are hearing more and more these days. Religious abuse involves religion—that collective which agrees to follow the dogma, principles, or path of a certain religion. Religious abuse occurs where a participant or a leader of that religion perpetrates abuse by using coercion, either overtly or covertly, to control a person’s beliefs, thoughts, or emotions. What this coercion means is that the abused person is not permitted to access their own thoughts, beliefs or emotions. They are often taught to fear doing that, having been coerced to believe in the possibility of dire consequences. These consequences range from ultimate eternal consequence to loss of family and friends because one does not agree with the tenets of that particular religion.

Another adaptation would be found in the “spiritual but not religious” thinking if there is coercion to control thinking, beliefs, or emotions by insisting that spirituality means acting in certain ways, feeling certain feelings, doing certain rituals regularly, using certain practices, or thinking only certain thoughts. Control of mind over body, for example, though not harmful at all at its base, can be used by spiritual abusers to control followers. This kind of abuse can even cause physical harm, such as in the case in which a self-help leader and author was convicted of three deaths when he coerced people to prove mind over body by staying in a sweat lodge for a lengthy and extremely stressful time. Of course, that is the worst-case scenario, but such external authority can also prohibit a person’s access to their own inner guidance and authority by teaching that the only way to gain a higher level of spirituality is to do, say, think, or feel what they teach.

Jung says that though the intellect can harm the soul when it assumes authority over spirit, and though spirit is higher than intellect, intellect and emotions are ultimately embraced by spirit (p. 24). Therefore, when someone coerces our emotions or thinking—which commonly indulges our belief—they are also depriving us of access to our spirit.

What this means overall is that people are being taught not to trust their own inner being. In some cases, they must not trust themselves because they might be being led by an evil force. In others, the external leader has assumed such authority, that the person is taught any internal doubts are to be ignored or denied. Their own original thoughts, emotions, and beliefs are discounted in favor of the assumed authority of the external leader.

The above adaptations are easier to see than those created by other forms of abuse, such as physical, sexual, emotional abuse, wherein the person is, because of such abuse, denied access to their own spirit. There comes with such abuse a determination that the abuser is right and the abused is wrong—which is often internalized by the abused. This obviously means that the abused has no right to inner authority.

For those of us who are leaders of one of the various religions, or any other authority, such as parent, teacher, or therapist, there is, by the very nature of those positions, a power differential. Therefore, we must be extra careful about the potential for spiritual abuse. We are not the answer to life’s questions for those we lead or help. They are. Our job is to facilitate their awareness of that fact.

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Those of us who are being led or helped by a religious leader, parent, teacher, or therapist are vulnerable to such abuse and must, therefore, take care to remember that we have an inner authority. That authority is the authority of choice. That authority has the capacity to facilitate critical thinking, to generate imaginative or creative thinking, to capacitate our research into all kinds of beliefs, and to open us to life experience that we can own as real, helpful, and healing.

Most, if not all of us, have been taught that external authority is to be obeyed above and beyond internal authority. And while external authority is essential to an organized and safe collective, internal authority should not be extinguished by external authority. In other words, we should not be denied access to internal authority by external authority. When we recognize and allow our internal authority to operate fully, we may also engage our own spirits.

If life is meant to be a meaningful experience, then accessing the inner person is essential to finding and beginning to live out the inner spirit. So, whether you are a parent, a teacher, a therapist, or an authority figure representing a particular religion or spiritual persuasion, be aware of the potential for spiritual abuse. You have been granted a huge power, and the power differential between you and a child, parishioner, adherent, participant, or client is huge. Use it with care.