Knight Lite: Crusaders Lose Again... to a Weak Script in Gory 'Kingdom of Heaven'

The Crusades lasted, what, 150, 175 years? Ridley Scott's self-important new sand and swords epic "Kingdom of Heaven," set in 12th-century Jerusalem and environs, feels exactly as long as those Holy Land holy wars -- even if it isn't nearly as much fun.

Orlando Bloom is Balian, a French blacksmith who's lost his faith since losing his beloved wife and infant son. The Lord, however, works in mysterious ways. The father Balian never knew, Godfrey of Ibelin, (Liam Neeson), a knight of great renown and even greater swordsmanship, has returned briefly to France from the east. He sees great things in his illegitimate son, perhaps because of the legend engraved on one of the beams of the smithy: "What man is a man who does not make the world better?" Initially, Balian is none too sure that father knows best, and declines the offer to join the Crusades; subsequent events make him decide that getting out of town isn't the worst idea in the known world. But can he measure up? Can he truly be the parfit gentil knight of Godfrey's yearning? Even if it means risking the loss of the woman he grows to love? Ibelin lays it right on the line: "My son: You are all that survives me. Don't disappoint me."