Primers on Same-Sex Attraction
What is SSA? This section defines homosexuality, including
attractions, identity, and behavior. It then presents Latter-day Saint
doctrines concerning homosexuality, including the distinction between
homosexual thoughts and behavior, and the importance of overcoming both.
Finally, it offers correct information about same-sex attraction.
Understanding Male
Same-Sex Attraction
Understanding Female Same-sex
Attraction
Getting Started (for everyone)
Getting Started (for women strugglers)
Four Principles of
Growth: Masculinity, Authenticity, Need Fulfillment, Surrender
Christ-centered Diagram
and Map of the Way Out
Learn About Same-Sex Attraction Issues
The following are areas that most people have to
address. The more effort you apply in each of these areas, the easier your way out will be.
- Behavior.
This section explains that you can choose your
behavior, how habits and addictions can compromise your
power to choose, and how you can be safe by carefully
setting personal boundaries on your actions. It warns
against justifying homosexual behavior and discusses the
concepts of temptation and sin. The section then gives
suggestions for changing your behavior patterns and warns of
the dangers of homosexual behavior. Finally, it gives
specific counsel about controlling fantasy, pornography,
masturbation, cruising, and homosexual behavior.
- Deciding.
To be successful in diminishing erotic same-sex attractions and
overcoming homosexual behavior, you must be willing to make a total
commitment to the change process. This section gives several ideas on
how to make choices, accept responsibility, and set a personal plan of
action to achieve your goals.
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Depression & Suicide. Includes: (1) what Church leaders have said about suicide
and our response to it, (2) suicide warning signs among youth, and (3) suicide, depression, and
abandonment of the gospel can often be avoided if love and understanding
are shown.
- Emotions.
Emotions are probably the most maligned and misunderstood part of our
lives. We all have emotions, but few of us know what to do about them.
Our emotional nature can become whole when we accept and understand our
feelings, and deal with them in a healthy way.
- Gospel Principles.
Applying gospel principles is critical to your success. This section
shows how key gospel principles can be applied to your healing process.
- Masculinity.
This section presents the concepts of gender identity and gender role,
then addresses some of the conflicts men experience in the world today.
It shows how rites of passage can help a young man move into manhood.
The section then suggests that you define what is masculine for you and
gives example of male role models. It discusses masculine and feminine
characteristics and gives suggestions on how to improve your feelings of
masculinity.
- Relationships.
This section contains several writings about relationships.
- Self-Perception.
We are greatly influenced by our perception of our self and the world
around us. Since these perceptions govern how we feel about ourselves
and, ultimately, how we act, it is critical that we see ourselves for
who we really are. When we better understand ourselves and expand our
self-image, we expand the possibilities. This chapter discusses the
concept of paradigms, then gives suggestions on how to improve your
self-image and your feelings of self-worth.
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Suicide. Includes: (1) what Church leaders have said about suicide
and our response to it, (2) suicide warning signs among youth, and (3) suicide, depression, and
abandonment of the gospel can often be avoided if love and understanding
are shown.
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Carefully-chosed Support Groups or Growth and Accountability Courses can be
helpful to you.
- Therapy.
As helpful as support groups and other efforts can be, they are not a
substitute for individual and group therapy because there are issues
that can only be dealt with effectively in sessions with a trained
therapist. Therapy can help you clarify your identity and make life
choices that are consistent with your personal values. This
section explains different therapeutic approaches and gives information
on choosing the right therapist. It then discusses individual and group
therapy and explains how each can be beneficial.
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Twisted Thinking. Ten examples of ways our thinking can become twisted, by
Dr. David Burns
from The Feeling Good Handbook.
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Transgender and Cross-dressing.
While Evergreen doesn't address these issues
directly, look to the following resources for
help:
www.gendermenders.org,
www.parakaleo.co.uk,
and
www.help4families.com
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Quick Links
Summary of Same-Sex Attraction Issues
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How many people experience same-sex
attraction? LDS Family Services estimates that there are four
or five members in every ward of the Church dealing with erotic same-sex
attraction problems. Usually, half of those individuals are married (most are
temple marriages) and have children. With this in mind, there are dozens of
parents, spouses, children, and individuals in every ward effected by this
challenge in their family. So know that you are not alone.
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What is same-sex attraction, same-gender attraction,
and homosexuality?
Evergreen uses the terms same-sex attraction and same-gender attraction
synonymously. Same-sex attraction is an
uncommonly-intense interest in others of the same sex. This interest may
include desires for their attention, friendship, intimacy, and/or a
fascination with their bodies and other gender traits. Homosexuality is a
broader term that includes same-sex attraction as well as erotic thoughts
and sexual behavior involving others of the same gender.
Click here for a primer on how to talk about
same-sex attraction. Experiences among men and women
who experience same-sex attraction may include any or all of the following: intense feelings of attraction or
longing, fantasies, excessive emotional attachment, or erotic sexual
behavior.
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What Causes It? No one chooses to have same-sex
attraction feelings. It is not a sin to have these feelings. It only
becomes a sin when the individual acts upon those feelings with homosexual
behavior. The accumulation
of research demonstrates that biology, environment, and early development
all play a role in developing same-sex attraction feelings.
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Can People Overcome Same-sex Attraction?
Yes,
this is an alterable condition. However, people must desire to move
away from it and receive appropriate help. The condition has two aspects:
feelings and behaviors. We believe homosexual behaviors are out of harmony
with God's intentions for men and women. Those who wish to stop their
homosexual behavior can do so. The feelings associated with same-sex
attraction can be diminished.
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What Is the Process? Fasting, prayer,
and commitments
to ecclesiastical leaders are not enough to overcome
same-sex attraction. There are a full range of issues involved here and two
keys to progress. The first key lies in addressing issues such as
self-concept, interpersonal relationships, habits, spirituality, and
sexuality. They also need to let go of activities that conflict with their
goals. The second key to progress lies in addressing these issues through a
variety of resources. No single resource can address all issues. Important
resources include supportive family relationships, heterosexual friends, and
involvement with spiritual leaders, education, personal counseling, group
therapy, faith, and prayer. See the
Christ-Centered Approach diagram and the Map of the
Way Out of same-sex attraction.
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How Long Does it Take? We all wish there could be
a quick fix for homosexuality, but in reality the transition is a
demanding, long-term process. Individuals who are less
entrenched in addictive behaviors and thoughts may move through the process
in several months or a few years. Others work for many years before they
realize a substantial and consistent difference. Think of it more as a
spiral than as a straight line. Relevant issues must be visited and
revisited. Occasionally, when an issue become too difficult to face, the
person retreats for a time until he or she gains the strength to go on.
Bursts of progress, intermittent plateaus, and occasional reverses are
common.
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Why Is it So Difficult? The transition is
difficult because the person is dealing with complex issues, a tenacious
mind set, and deeply-entrenched behaviors. Related issues are alienation,
gender-role problems, abuse issues, resentment, enmeshment, low self-esteem,
guilt, depression, addiction, sexually-transmitted
diseases, marriage, family difficulties, financial problems, and spiritual
and religious dilemmas. When years of living with these issues become
habitual, individuals see themselves as different, weak, alone, unworthy,
and victimized. Seeing others as rejecting, abusive,
misunderstanding, punishing, and untrustworthy can severely disrupt
interpersonal relationships. Entrenched behaviors involve fantasies,
solitary pursuits, and activities with others that tend to be highly
addictive. Sexual abuse can deeply ingrain patterns of sexual behavior.
Individuals engaging in these behaviors often do not comprehend what they
are experiencing. They find themselves in the grip of powerful sexual
addictions that are particularly difficult to overcome.
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What Can I Do? If you are struggling to overcome
the effects of same-sex attraction, you may not know what to do. Here are some principles that may
help. Exercise faith through prayer. You may not know what to do, but God
does. He will intervene in specific ways such as giving you experiences
you need to progress and placing others in your life who can help in your transition. God can provide other relationships to fill the needs you cannot
fill alone. Love others unconditionally. Your greatest need may be acceptance and
your greatest
fear may be rejection. Maintain your integrity. Look to others for stability. You
will need trusted people, education, and perhaps professional counseling to
help you deal with all these issues. Remember, you cannot change the past, so let go of
mistakes and concentrate on the present. Treat each day as a fresh start
toward a better future.
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